JUPITER RETURNS - Chapter 2

Another sneak peek snippet of my debut novel

Well, hello there! As I mentioned in your September Monthly Horoscope, I’ve been working overtime to perfect and polish my debut astrology novel, Jupiter Returns. Today, with Venus in Libra conjoining the South Node, I feel it’s a nice day to release something sweet, pleasurable, and fun. So, here’s a small chunk of Jupiter Returns, chapter 2. Enjoy!

What was I thinking, moving back in with my parents? I keep saying to myself as I drive the highway to get to downtown. 20 minutes of bumper-to-bumper traffic later, I’m hurrying into my favorite vegan dive bar, Orbit, for drinks with Katie, with my parents the furthest thing from my mind.

Katie & I come to Orbit a ton. Mostly because it’s one of a few semi-affordable vegan places in Denver, but also because it’s super cute. Bright-colored planets and stars are spray-painted onto the brick walls, illuminated by the warm glow of the string lights criss-crossing on the ceiling. Loads of people are snacking, drinking, and chatting. The hum of their conversations and the clinking of plates and glassware blends like percussion with the funky soul music playing through the speakers.  

I find Katie sitting at the bar. Tbh, she’s hard to miss. Tall, with deep-set brown eyes, tawny skin, and long blonde box braids, my Leo Sun, Virgo Moon, Gemini Rising best friend of nearly two years always grabs your attention. Tonight’s no exception. Wearing a tribal patterned blouse tucked into Mom jeans with Timberland boots, she’s got her coffin-nailed hand wrapped around a margarita, a stack of gold bangles on each wrist. A big plate of vegan nachos sits in front of her.  

After she and I hug and say our hellos, I sit and sip the margarita Katie ordered. 

“I’m proud of you,” says Katie, clinking her glass against mine. “You’re back to the grind. Now, you can hate what you do but do it because you need the money to survive—just like me!”

“I’ll hardly survive on Space Case pay, but thanks.” 

For real, I’m making less money than a priest, and I’ve only got a bit saved from my last job.   

Katie smirks. “Look on the bright side: at least you can wear what you want! I’ve gotta wear a fucking uniform that does nothing for my ass.” 

I laugh and take a sip of my drink. The sharp burst of tequila hits my taste buds, relaxing me. 

“I should rally the troops and go on strike,” Katie jokes. “You should join me!”

I love Katie. She and I first met at Horizon, my old job. I was a Copywriter and Katie was an Administrative Assistant before she was offered a cushy social media job for the Denver Zoo. We didn’t work together for very long, but she and I hit it off so easily, we’ve been best friends ever since. 

“Unfortunately, I can’t strike yet,” I say, thinking of my deal with Mom. 

“Then stop whining!” Katie tosses back her box braids. “I’m not paid what I’m worth, and you don’t see me whining. Although, I am curious if I’ll ever find a job that doesn’t take advantage of me.”

Laughing, I shake my head. Honestly, it’s hard not to love Katie. For starters, she’s a Leo and everyone loves Leos. Plus, she’s funny, passionate and driven, and she—like me—loves astrology. 

“What if,” I say dramatically as I reach into my bag, “we turn to the planets and stars?”

With a flashy flourish, I whip out the issue of Combust and lay it on the sticky bar. 

Katie’s eyes light up. “Ooh! Combust horoscopes? Yes! Lay ‘em on me, girl!”

Penned and printed in Denver, CO, Combust is the best women’s magazine in the region. If Vogue had a baby with Cosmopolitan, Combust would be it. They’ve got the usual stuff—beauty, fashion, lifestyle—but it’s the astrology section that really sets Combust apart. In fact, astrology used to be this thing that people associated with flickering neon signs and seedy psychic readings, but Combust changed that. They’re the only magazine on the shelves that features astrology. It’s not just a lame little section in the back. They’ve got loads of savvy articles about the zodiac signs, and awesome love and career horoscopes, all written by some of the best star gazers in the game, including Eve Rapture. 

Just like any other industry in the world, there are titans of astrology—Chani Nicholas, Lisa Stardust, Astro Twins—but none are bigger right now than Eve Rapture. A dark-and-curly-haired Leo with a witchy-chic style I could never pull off, Eve has ignited a legion of devoted followers on social media. As Combust’s crown jewel, Eve’s horoscopes are the most devoured insights in the publication. People love to hear her savvy, cheeky take on astrology & life.

Tbh, I have a love-hate relationship with Eve Rapture. I love her predictions, but I hate that she’s writing them and I’m not. Still, Eve teased her Jupiter article on IG, and I’m dying to read it. 

I flick through the magazine’s glossy pages of chic fashion and beauty spreads, and eventually reach the astrology section. Eve’s Jupiter in Gemini article—“Jupiter in Gemini is this Year’s Astro-MVP” —is the featured piece. I clear my throat, make sure Katie is ready, and begin reading: 

  “‘For the next 13 months, Jupiter, the planet of all things lucky and opportunistic, glides through Gemini. In this trickster air sign, astrology’s Zeus brings a surplus of abundance and luck to your thoughts, communications, and major professional pursuits.” 

“Surplus of abundance?” Katie scoffs. “What does that even mean?” 

“Increased luck, more opportunities,” I adjust my glasses. “Good vibes, you know?”

Katie frowns. “Why doesn’t she just say that?”

I shrug and continue reading. “‘Now, for those with your natal Jupiter in Gemini—’  Hey, that’s me!” I say excitedly, before continuing. “‘...for those with your natal Jupiter in Gemini, watch it: this transit is bringing a bevy of luck and new opportunities to help you extend your professional reach. Gemini is a premiere bridge-builder, so connecting with others—especially in your profession—is a cinch. And my astro-crystal ball also says a wise male figure could cross your path. Just remember: While you’re busy building connections, don't forget to grow out what no longer serves—be it a past belief, or those bangs— you’re about to be the talk of the town, and need to look the part.’”

I put the magazine down, pleased. (Honestly, Eve Rapture is AMAZING at predicting stuff. I’ve been wanting to grow out my bangs since I got them!) Katie, however, is unstirred. 

“Yeesh, a man isn’t gonna do anything for me, I’m gay.” She pops a jalapeno in her mouth. “You’d write much better stuff than that, dude.” 

Gazing down at that gleaming copy of Combust on the sticky bar, I feel a pang of longing.  

I first read Combust when I was 12. Up until that point, I only had my worn out copy of Linda Goodman’s Love Signs to feed my astrology curiosity, but as I skimmed the women’s magazine rack at Barnes & Noble while Mom shopped for fitness books, Combust immediately caught my eye. Blazoned across the chic cover were the words “YOUR JUNE HOROSCOPE” by top astrologer Lizzy Gordon. As soon as I saw the word horoscope, I snatched the magazine off the stand, and read—not just their savvy monthly horoscopes, but—a slew of love, career, beauty horoscopes, in awe. 

Ever since that day, it’s all I’ve wanted to have my name in Combust, to be one of the astrologers mapping out the movements of the planets and dishing out savvy advice to its millions of readers, to see the words by Cosmic Cannibal on the glossy pages. Sure, as the #1 women’s magazine in the region, Combust only hires the best, but I see no reason why I can’t join their ranks. I know astrology, I’ve studied it. I’ve bought and read every astrology guide I’ve been able to get my hands on. I’ve memorized planetary themes and zodiac traits, sussed out the meaning of the astrological houses and aspects, AND I’ve analyzed gazillions of celeb birth charts… Hell, I even quit my job to do this. 

With all that and this  Jupiter transit, I see no better time than now to make my dream real.

“This is the year,” I say, emboldened by my margarita. “This is the year I get into Combust!” 

Katie groans. “Dude, when I said, ‘you’d write much better stuff,’ I meant that you would write better stuff, but not that you should talk about writing for Combust again.”

Exsqueeze me? She makes it sound like all I do is talk about Combust. 

Well, OK. I do actually talk about writing for this magazine a lot, but that’s beside the point. 

“This year’s different. It’s my Jupiter Return!”

Katie rolls her eyes. “Right, that. The planetary thing that’s—”

“Bringing a surplus of luck and opportunity to my 10th House of career? Yes, that thing.”

“That’s this year?” She blinks at me. “Huh. I thought it was last year.”

“No! That was your Jupiter Return. Jupiter re-entered the sign it was in when you were born, and it brought you all kinds of good things. And this year, Jupiter’s bringing me 13 months of good luck, and I’m capitalizing on it!” 

Katie chugs her drink. “Yeah, but Combust? That’s setting your sights a little too high, isn’t it?”

There goes Katie’s Virgo Moon, which has to doubt and criticize everything. 

“Not according to my horoscope!” Katie doesn’t get it. She doesn’t get how lucky this year is for me. “A Jupiter Return brings opportunities that help us grow! Eve Rapture said this is MY year to extend and expand my professional reach. That means a horoscope job at Combust, a successful astrology business, grown-out baby bangs, and the city of Denver talking about me!” 

Feeling myself tingly with the potentiality of all my dreams coming true, I let my mind drift. Honestly, I’m going to get so close to astrology fame, I'll have to get a restraining order. Wait, that doesn’t sound good. What I mean is—

“Look,” Katie sighs, “I’m not saying it’s impossible, I just think you should be more practical. You’re pursuing a career you have absolutely no experience or connections in, and you somehow think you’re gonna get hired by the #1 women’s magazine because of a planet?”

OK. When she puts it like that, she makes me sound like a nut. 

“How far away is Jupiter?” Katie asks, giving me another I-have-a-doubtful-Virgo-Moon look. 

“377.72 million miles,” I say without a moment’s hesitation.

“How do you know…Never mind.” Katie shakes her head. “Point is, a planet that far away isn’t gonna make you lucky. It isn’t gonna get you a new job, or grow out your bangs, or get you whatever else you want. You have to make that happen, you have to make your own luck.”

“I never said I wasn’t gonna do that! I just said Jupiter’s gonna increase my luck!” Was she even listening? “You got lucky during your Jupiter Return! You won $5k at Bingo World because of Jupiter. Because luck is Jupiter’s thing. Now it’s my turn. This is the whole reason I quit Horizon!”

“I remember there being another reason,” Katie says, side-eyeing me. And I open my mouth to speak, she adds: “OK! So, you’re gonna be a famous professional astrologer with no more baby bangs. All thanks to lucky Jupiter. There, I said it—let’s manifest that SHIT.” She swigs her drink. 

Again I open my mouth to say something, but Katie stops me.

“Look, I know you’re a Gemini,” she says, “and you love to overthink and over-argue, but can you give it a rest? It’s Friday night, and you’ve got a job to celebrate!” 

She grins, then beckons the bartender over and orders us another round. 

We sit under the warm glow of Orbit’s lights, sipping margaritas and chatting; and though I’m engaged in our conversation (Katie’s telling me about her girl-crush at work and how she can’t justify liking her anymore because she doesn’t like cats), my mind keeps combing over my plan for this year.

OK. Maybe calling it a “plan” is a stretch, as I don’t have every step worked out, but Jupiter just entered Gemini. So, I have 13 months to come up with a plan. And 13 months to grow out my bangs. 

Yeah, I’ll show Katie. I’ll show everyone. It doesn’t matter how I do it, or what the plan is. In fact, I can’t waste anymore time wondering how I’m going to do anything. I just have to go for it.

Want to read more? Check out the official Jupiter Returns page on my website. Read the hilarious and thrilling Jupiter Returns chapter 1.

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