The Painful but Necessary Lessons I've learned from Venus Retrograde
Let my lessons be a lesson for YOU
We’re entering a compelling, revitalizing week in astrology. The Venus Cazimi on Aug. 13 is opening a portal for new beginnings, and a wild Leo new moon on Aug. 16 is following suit, urging us to break out of our comfort zones and do something big, if only to remind us that we can. A square between Sun and Uranus, along with a trine between Mars and Uranus, are also fueling a desire to act, assert our importance, and dare to stand out.
This fusion of liberating, freedom-seeking energy couldn’t come at a better time. Since July 22, Venus, the planet of love, beauty, relationships, and money, has been slowly backpedaling through Leo, sending us on a dramatic, dynamic (and stifling) internal exploration in matters of love, relationships, beauty, and values. I don’t know about you, but this Venus Retrograde hasn’t been the most enjoyable thing about my summer. That’s because the transit has forced me to face and experience things I would’ve preferred to avoid. Get ready, because I’m about to get really personal in this rare free-for-all-to-read post.
But first, some background.
The story of the Descent of Inanna, an ancient Sumerian myth, beautifully mirrors the vibes of Venus Retrograde, echoing themes of transformation, death, rebirth, and self-discovery. In the myth, Inanna, the goddess of love, beauty, and fertility (a Sumerian version of Venus), descends into the Underworld to visit/save her sister, Ereshkigal. During her journey, Inanna goes through a series of trials and challenges, symbolizing a profound transformation.
I’ve heard a few astrologers already liken the myth to this Venus Retrograde transit. And as I read their email or listened to their podcast, I nodded along, going “yeah, yeah, I’ve already heard this story.” (I analyzed The Descent of Inanna in a World Literature class my first semester of college.) However, it wasn’t until I experienced my own descent this past weekend, that I realized just how closely aligned the Descent of Inanna is to Venus Retrograde, and that the myth’s lessons are precisely what we’re supposed to learn during this 40-day period.
If you’re unfamiliar with the myth, here’s a brief re-telling. As Inanna descends into the underworld to retrieve/help Ereshkigal, she undergoes a series of trials and challenges. In order to be accepted into the Underworld, Inanna must pass through seven gates, each guarded by a gatekeeper. At each of these gates, Inanna is required to shed a layer of herself associated with her worldly power and identity.
First, Inanna is required to remove her royal crown, a symbol of her authority and status. Then, she’s asked to surrender her royal staff (which represents her power to command and rule), her necklace (a symbol of her vanity and personal adornment), and she’s asked to remove her breastplate ( a symbol of her emotional armor). In the last three gates, Inanna surrenders her earrings (which represent her ability to listen and communicate), gives up her belt (symbolizing her fertility and ability to bear children), and is stripped of her royal robe (a representation of her worldly identity and garments of authority).
After she passes through these gates, naked and afraid like those people on Discovery+, Inanna reaches the Underworld. Once there, she is met by her sister Ereshkigal, who eventually kills Inanna. However, Inanna's journey does not end in death–at least not in the permanent physical sense. She dies, but through the intervention of Enki, the Sumerian god of wisdom, Inanna is revived and guided back to the realm of the living. Inanna's death at the hands of her sister mirrors the symbolic death we experience during periods of deep transformation, where our old self and all its ego, vanity, and adornments, must die in order for something new to be born. Inanna’s ascent from the Underworld mirrors the process of rebirth and renewal, signifying her emergence as a more whole and integrated being. Having faced her own darkness, she returns to life with newfound wisdom.
The Descent of Inanna serves as a powerful metaphor, symbolizing the stripping away of one’s external identity, the shedding of the ego, attachments, and false identities to expose and exhume one’s vulnerabilities and humanity. And it is deeply connected to the themes and lessons of this Venus Retrograde transit. This transit invites us to descend into the depths of ourselves and our relationships, our creativity, values, beauty, and self-worth, and confront the shadowy aspects that exist there. The “aim” of Venus Retrograde in Leo is to help us navigate the depths of our hearts and emerge stronger and more aligned with our true selves so we can ascend anew from this transit, wise and evolved…and all that jazz.
Sure, the promise of profound growth and a deepened connection to our own inner wisdom sounds nice, but it comes at a cost. In the myth, Inanna has to give up everything she associates with herself—her status, power, vanity, authority, fertility, emotional armor—before her own sister offs her. If that isn’t a hellish ordeal, I don’t know what is. And if you’re like me (i.e.: you are a Leo Rising or have many placements in Leo), this Venus Retrograde in Leo transit has been an ordeal. True, it hasn’t been the I-went-hell-and-had-everything-taken-away- from-me-and-my-sibling-killed-me kind of ordeal, but it’s still been an ordeal.
It’s important to note here that Venus Retrograde works in eight-year cycles. So, the last time Venus was retrograde in Leo, was the summer of 2015. I want you to think back to summer of 2015. What were you doing, pursuing, and/or creating? Who you were dating, crushing on? What did your sense of self, your faith, and your values look like? What did you look like? (Remember, Venus is the planet of ~aesthetics~.)
For me, I had just launched my blog on Tumblr. (Yes, that Tumblr.) So, I had just started venturing into the world of online astrology writing. I hadn’t written a horoscope, and I knew very little about astrological transits, my “expertise” leaning more into the zodiac, compatibility, and birth charts. Still, as a Gemini, I was fit to burst with ideas and thoughts about astrology and I needed an outlet for them. Interestingly, I had already begun scribbling certain ideas into various notebooks, as I aimed to learn as much as I could about the signs, planets, and houses. (These ideas would eventually become my first self-published astrology book.) What’s more, I had also begun a (very, very, very) rough draft of what would become my first novel. I also started creating and selling my paintings to support myself. I was still recovering from a chronic health condition–a mix of extreme anxiety, adrenal fatigue, and PNES–which prevented me from being able to work a full or even part-time job.
So, I started writing. More importantly (for me at least), I started writing as Cosmic Cannibal. I created a writing persona, and I felt liberated and empowered by it. Now, keep in mind this was 2015. Astrology wasn’t nearly as popular as it is now; so, I felt if I were to write all of my astrology ideas (many of which were…shall we say, less than positive) as Camille, I would’ve felt exposed, like a weird outlier on the fringes of “normal” social media and web society. Put more simply, I didn't want Cosmic Cannibal associated with my name or my face. So, I did as many people still do: I created a new online identity; or, rather an extension of my identity that unshackled both my mental creativity and creative self-expression. (It also initiated a fun, part-time hobby that I would later pursue as my profession.)
Fast forward eight years, Venus is once again retrograde in Leo. I have a better handle on my health. I’ve battled with Imposter Syndrome (even though I was consistently writing about astrology, I never really saw myself as an “expert”) only to expand the brand and write Cosmic Cannibal horoscopes for two digital (college) newspapers, I’ve finished my first astrology novel (also about Cosmic Cannibal / Camille)… and here I am, writing about astrology in an online publication about and inspired by Cosmic Cannibal. What’s interesting to me about this trajectory is that I’ve finally merged Cosmic Cannibal with Camille; the persona is no longer separate from the person. I never used to show my face, preferring to keep the astrology persona anonymous and mysterious. Now, I'm making TikToks and YouTube videos, putting my face out there not as Cosmic or someone separate, but as Camille. And it only took me eight years to muster up the courage to do so…Wow.
There is, however, a shadow to this Cosmic Cannibal horoscope-web-and-social-media venture, and it parallels that of Leo’s shadow: a need for validation and recognition, as well as a burning yearning to be not just seen, but also celebrated as something of my choosing, my own creation, a person and identity of my making. (That's why my novel means so much to me: it's a reimagining of Camille / Cosmic Cannibal, a fictionalized account of my Jupiter Return wherein I wasn't struggling with a chronic illness, didn't have crippling anxiety and wasn't afraid of taking risks or putting myself out there, when I wasn't flat broke and aimless, and unsure of where I was going.) When I was making astrology posts and answering people’s questions on Tumblr, I liked when they liked my posts, when they reblogged my words, when they followed me. And I notice the same fleeting thrill with TikTok. I turn all Sally-Fields-at- the-Oscars, weepily affirming to myself, with equal parts disbelief and gratitude, “you like me, you really like me!” Getting my novel published is yet another form of recognition / validation. Which is why each time an agent rejects the novel, I feel they are rejecting me, my brand, and my value as a creative writer. (Needless to say, another obvious lesson of Venus Retrograde in Leo is to not take things so personally.)
Many people feared that Venus Retrograde transit would cause breakups or problems in their relationships, but I’m certain that 2023 Venus Retrograde in Leo is not about interpersonal relationships. At least, it isn’t for me—Maybe it is for you, idk. But I would argue that this retrograde is, by and large, a transit about the individual Self. Yes, Venus is the planet of relating / relationships; it’s the planet of interpersonal exchanges, but Leo isn’t a sign that’s traditionally considered interpersonal in nature. (No fire sign is. Sure, Leos love love and love being in loving relationships, but that’s because the fire sign feeds off of adoration, praise, and attention.) Because Leo is a self-centered sign. It’s ruled by the Sun, the largest and brightest star in our galaxy. Leo is Me-focused, not Us-focused. And so are we during this Venus Retrograde in Leo transit.
The Venus Cazimi on Aug. 13 marks the turning point in the 40-day Venus Retrograde cycle. (Curiously, this 40-day cycle can also be seen as mirroring the 40 days and 40 nights that Jesus spent fasting and praying in the desert, facing various temptations and trials.) So, the first half of Venus Retrograde we go inward, reassess our priorities, and confront attachments / patterns / ugly bits of ourselves that no longer serve us (like, how haughty, proud and dramatic we can be in relationships, or how we take any and all snubs as personalized jabs to our identity). And it is at this point–the Venus Cazimi–where another fascinating facet of the planet comes into play: Venus’ shift from evening star to morning star.
When Venus sets in the western sky after the Sun, it becomes the "Evening Star." This phase is linked to themes of reflection, introspection, and culmination. Evening Star Venus invites us to review our experiences, appreciate the beauty around us, and contemplate the lessons learned throughout the day. This phase is the first half of Venus Retrograde (i.e.: the “dark” half, the uncomfortable half, the “I’m-naked-and-my-sister-butchered-me-in-hell” half).
When Venus rises in the eastern sky before the Sun, it is known as the "Morning Star.” This phase—the second half of the cycle—is associated with themes of renewal, new beginnings, and the dawning of possibilities. This symbolizes a fresh start, the emergence from darkness, and the optimism that comes with a new day. For this 2023 Venus retrograde, the “Morning Star” phase of Venus begins on the Venus Cazimi (since the Sun embraces Venus in all its warmth, thereby resuscitating the love planet, and blah, blah, blah).
During this 40-day transit, each of us is Inanna. We are journeying into the depths of ourselves by ourselves. It’s a solo trek to the underworld. We descend unescorted, and have stripped away from us the guises and material adornments that have constrained us, and come up renewed and empowered, our self-belief and passion resuscitated. At least, that’s the end goal. Since we’re at the half-way point in the retrograde cycle, we’re still in the thick of it. We’re just about to exit the Underworld, we’re about to come up renewed, about to regain our power, passion, and self-belief. But we can only do that after we look at our shadows, embrace our discomforts, and accept the qualities of ourselves we’ve pushed below the surface.
What I’ve come to understand while journeying into the depths of myself and my creations is that Venus Retrograde is about our relationship to ourselves, our passions, our creations and our heart’s desires. For me, my creation is an online persona-turned-passion-project-and-(hopefully)-lucrative-and-long-lasting-profession. But in my pursuit of asserting my presence in the astrology and creative writing worlds, in my pursuit of worldly recognition, I’ve noticed some glaring shadows about myself and my so-called heart’s desire. Not only do I crave recognition, praise, and attention, but I also have a desperate need to be seen and thought of as special, to be celebrated / applauded as a creative powerhouse, and to be accepted and loved as an amazing creative writer / astrologer extraordinaire / awesome Gemini. Full stop.
This past weekend, I received not one, not two, but five rejections from literary agents; my novel also didn’t make it into the second round of the LaunchPad Prose competition (and— between you and me—I was hoping with all my heart to have made it into the top 10). With each rejection comes a fresh sting of doubt and another round of intrusive questions about my worth as a creative writer, and my value as a creative person in the world. I questioned why I’m striving to achieve a goal that keeps eluding me; questioned if the book is good enough, if I’m good enough to write books and why I want to publish this book so badly, why I‘m so damn determined to be recognized, why I’m continuing to build Cosmic Cannibal as a unique, sought-after brand / voice in the astrology arena…
I didn’t know what my heart’s desire was eight years ago. Tbh, I was just happy to have an outlet for my astrology interest, happy to be writing creatively on a regular basis, and even happier that people were—for the most part—responding positively to it and to me. However, in 2023, my heart’s desires have crystalized. I know exactly what it is that I want, and interestingly, it’s the same thing as it was in 2015, except concrete. I’m no longer pursuing something as a hobby, hoping it will lead me to “my path;” I know my path, I’ve named it, claimed it, educated myself about it, and worked towards it every day. And through this steadfast but slow pursuit, Cosmic Cannibal has evolved, just as I have. And today, the name / brand / character–whatever you want to call it–comprises my everyday. I write horoscopes and astrology articles, create workbooks and workshops, and I make TikToks to inform and satisfy people’s curiosity about astrology. (I’ve also grown my TikTok significanlty since Venus stationed retrograde.) What’s more, Cosmic Cannibal has fueled my ambition, the brand/character/persona has given me goals and a purpose, without which I’d be not only be creatively stunted but also personally unsatisfied.
So, for me (as someone with heavy Leo placements), creativity and creative self-expression isn’t a hobby or a fleeting pursuit, it is a necessity. I need to write or communicate my ideas in some creative fashion every single day. But I also need to have an audience for those creations, I need to be applauded or celebrated in some way, so as to avoid my own intrusive doubts about my worth, my value, and my status as a creative person in the world. Now, this isn’t the grand epiphany inspired by Venus Retrograde—at least, not totally. The biggest lesson I’ve learned, and I am still learning is the importance of self-belief, self-compassion, and self-love, especially as it relates to my creativity.
Venus Retrograde in Leo is urging us to ask ourselves—as the great RuPaul once did—“If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?” Except in this instance, it’s not about loving somebody else as it is about feeling worthy of accepting love from someone else, or them validating you. And also not giving a shit if they reject you or don’t give you that love, because you know deep down inside that your love for yourself, your celebration of yourself, is all the love and recognition you need. So, it’s more “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell is anyone else going to? Oh, and btw, if they don’t love you, you can still love yourself!” (It’s not as catchy of a phrase for self-empowerment, but still.)
Now that we are at the halfway point of this Venus Retrograde cycle, and the love planet is shifting into its Morning Star mode like a cosmic Power Ranger, we are also shifting out and away from Leo’s shadowy side. If the Descent of Inanna shows us anything, it’s that once we shed our worldly, egoic bullshit and face ourselves in the Underworld, we can emerge renewed. It’s Facing Adversity 101 (except in this instance, the adversity is our own doubt, our own shadowy desires, and feelings of unworthiness). From this point forward, we should have no place for doubt, for feeling undeserving of applause and recognition, or for craving that applause and recognition from other people. The Venus Cazimi, and the next 20 days of Venus Retrograde serve as reminders of how important it is to celebrate / love yourself, to be creative and passionate, and to believe in creativity, passion, and heart’s desire. Because once YOU do that, the world has no choice but to do it too. (And if they don’t, who cares!)